While we were in Calimesa, we got the sad news that our beloved brother-in-law, Thomas died. Thomas was Kevin’s sister Tracey’s husband, and father to Tanny, Danny, and Paddy. Kevin and I called him Thomas the first because he was the first person in the family to visit us at every place we ever lived and the first to meet our kids when they were born.

When he came to San Francisco after Eliza was born, he was horrified to learn that we still hadn’t gotten her birth certificate. He packed us into the car, directed us down to San Francisco City Hall, and waited in line with us until we had the certificate in hand.

When I’ve told this story over the years, I’ve told it as if Kevin and I had it all under control and it was just Thomas’s German efficiency clashing with our more relaxed, California attitudes. But when I went to hunt for these pictures, I saw that Thomas visited us in early November, a full month after Eliza was born! Why had we waited so long to get her birth certificate? Thank goodness we had Thomas to sort us out. It wasn’t the last time I’d be grateful that Thomas was there to add his particular blend of efficiency, good taste, and fun to our family get-togethers.

Last week Kevin and I flew to Germany to say our goodbyes. All of Kevin’s siblings were there and it was good to be together in our sadness. We told stories, sang lots of songs, cried and laughed. The service was beautiful (even if I only understand three words), with what seemed like the entire town showing up to pay their respects. Tanny sang a beautiful song, which brought everyone who wasn’t already crying, to tears.

Also, I got some swims in. My niece and nephew very kindly brought me to their local lake each day. The first two days were cold and rainy and I ventured in solo. The water was also cold, but was exactly what I needed amid all the sadness and jetlaggy fogginess.

The next two days were warm and beautiful and Tanny and her girlfriend, Heine, joined me one day; Daniel and his girlfriend, Therese, the next. I was so glad they joined and so grateful to them for bringing me to water every day. At times like this, I’m especially aware of how much better immersion in cold, wild water makes me feel.

On my last day at the lake, we saw a heron, which felt like a sign as Tanny had just been telling me about her connection to herons since losing her dad.

Thomas was kind and funny. He loved good food and wine, good conversation, and beautiful places. He traveled all over the world, lived in several different countries, and spoke multiple languages; and he brought the larger understanding of the world that comes with that to all of our interactions. Knowing him made me a better person. He loved to play guitar and sing and all of the kids clamored for him to sing the Cuckoo Song at our family sing-alongs. He was one of a kind. I will miss him.